There was a time in my life when I thought our home would always sound like chaos.
Doors slamming. Screaming that echoed through the walls. Furniture flipped. And those walls? They were full of holes — not from accidents, but from anger so big it couldn’t be contained.
I remember one night, after patching yet another hole, just collapsing on the floor and thinking:
“Is this our forever? Is my son always going to rage like this? Will our family ever feel peace?”
If you’re nodding, crying, or whispering “me too”… I need you to hear me:
💚 You’re not failing.
💚 Your child isn’t broken.
💚 Anger isn’t “bad behavior” — it’s communication.
And there ARE tools that can help.
Why the Traditional “Fixes” Didn’t Work
He was three when there was a question on his diagnosis. He had had some meltdowns in preschool and we were sent down the rabbit hole of Dr.’s to figure it all out. When the rage began to show itself at home, I went down the usual list of “solutions.” You probably know them too:
- Sticker charts — check this box, earn this prize. Except he’d rage when he didn’t “earn” it, and we’d spiral harder.
- Stricter discipline — because that’s what teachers (and my husband) said. But punishments just layered shame on top of an already overloaded nervous system.
- Medication changes — helpful in some ways, but not the whole picture. The meds didn’t stop the meltdowns, they just muted symptoms.
- The old “he’ll grow out of it” speech — that one still stings. Because waiting it out wasn’t an option when my son was hurting himself and terrifying his siblings.
Every meltdown was like treating smoke without ever finding the fire.
And while I was busy patching holes in the walls, my own heart was cracking too.
The Shift That Changed Everything
One day, after another brutal meltdown, I stopped asking myself:
❌ “How do I make him stop?”
and started asking:
✅ “What is his body trying to tell me?”
That shift changed everything.
Because anger isn’t random. It’s the body screaming: “I can’t handle this. I don’t feel safe.”
And if I’m being honest, I knew the signs before it erupted but I was fighting my own battles of exhaustion and depression that I did nothing about it, until it blew up (literally) in my face.
When I finally stopped punishing the behavior and started supporting the whole child — his (and MINE) body, mind, and emotions — we finally started to see change.
9 Holistic Tools That Helped My Son Manage Anger
This wasn’t an overnight miracle. It was trial, error, ugly cries in the bathroom, and a lot of persistence.
But slowly, these tools gave us a calmer home — and gave my son skills he could actually use.
🌿 1. Hemp Support
I was skeptical, honestly. But hemp became a game-changer for us.
Instead of living in fight-or-flight 24/7, his body finally had a way to regulate. He could pause. He could breathe. He could actually use the calming strategies we’d been trying to teach.
I remember there was one therapy session in particular that we went to. He had been taking his jelly for about a month. He was engaged, he had eye contact, he was calm and let his sisters speak. Even the therapist was like ‘what is happening’ -hemp happened!
💚 Curious if hemp might help your family? Fill out my holistic support inquiry form and I’ll help you figure out what could fit.
🛋️ 2. A Calm Corner That Was Actually Calm
We set up a “calm corner” — not a punishment chair, not a timeout.
It had sensory tools, a weighted blanket, and soft lighting. It was HIS space, not a place of shame.
He learned that anger didn’t mean “bad kid.” It meant, “time to reset.”
⏸️ 3. Sensory Breaks BEFORE the Blowup
One of my biggest mistakes was waiting until the meltdown to intervene.
Now, we build in breaks before his body goes red-zone:
- Five minutes after school before homework.
- Quick sensory tools between transitions.
- Movement before appointments.
Those micro-breaks often prevented hours of rage.
💪 4. Mom Regulation (yep, ME, I needed my own support too)
This was the hardest truth: my nervous system was adding fuel to his fire.
When I was fried, I snapped faster. I matched his chaos instead of grounding him.
So I started working on my own healing too: journaling, a personal growth app, even hemp for myself. Because when I was calm, he could borrow my calm.
💚 Want to try the exact app I use daily? Grab your free 7-day trial here.
🏫 5. Changing the Environment
There was a point where school made things worse. Transitions were brutal. Supports weren’t consistent and there was literal battles between Dr.’s debating whether or not he was actually on the spectrum!
Moving him to a therapeutic day school for a season gave him the chance to rebuild in a space that actually understood him. It wasn’t an easy decision — but it was necessary and it helped him be more prepared for mainstream school to start first grade.
🏃 6. Movement as Medicine
We learned anger needs an exit ramp.
Some of the things that helped:
- Jumping on a trampoline.
- Push-ups against the wall.
- Walks outside when the house felt tense.
- He even did weights as he got older
When the body moves, the emotions move too.
7. Co-Regulation
Instead of sending him away, I started sitting close. Breathing with him. Sometimes saying nothing except, “You’re safe. I’m here.”
And over time, he began to mirror my calm instead of escalating with my panic.
🥦 8. Food & Sleep Routines
Nobody regulates well when they’re hungry, exhausted or sensitive to foods.
A BIG change happened when a teacher randomly mentioned putting him on a gluten free diet. We took out all gluten (which was harder when he was younger, a TON more options now a days), even the sneaky kind (like in rice crispy treats -there are no labels for ‘gluten’ but rice crispy treats have barley which is part of the ‘gluten’ family). It made a HUGE difference in his activity level. He was no longer bouncing off the walls or super quick to snap.
I later found out through trial and error that I too am sensitive to gluten. It’s tough but if you stick with it (for two weeks) you too could see a change.
We worked on consistent sleep routines that actually supported rest. Screen time automatically shut off two hours before bedtime, family meditation 30 minutes before bedtime, a routine of ‘goodnight kisses’ that are STILL used to this day.
Simple, not perfect. But enough to help his body reset.
🗣️ 9. Scripts for Family & Siblings
We gave his sisters words to use during meltdowns, so they weren’t frozen in fear.
Things like: “I’m going to my room now. I’m safe.”
It gave them agency — and gave me peace knowing they had a plan too.
Our therapist also had us come up with a family ‘word’ for ANY of us to use when we begin to feel overstimulated or when the fighting escalates.
What Moms Always Ask Me About Rage
Q: Should I discipline during a meltdown?
A: In the moment, discipline backfires. Their brain isn’t online. Regulate first, teach later.
Q: What if hemp doesn’t work for my child?
A: No single tool works for everyone. Hemp helped us tremendously, but holistic means using multiple supports together.
Q: How do I keep siblings safe?
A: We created a family safety plan: code words, safe rooms, scripts. Everyone deserves to feel safe.
Q: Will this ever get better?
A: YES. It won’t be instant, but with time and tools, things shift. Our home is living proof.
Q: What do I say to judgmental family members?
A: “My child’s needs may not look like yours, but they’re real. Please trust me to know what’s best.”
Q: How do I explain this to the school?
A: Document everything. Use words like “support” and “regulation” instead of “behavior.” Push for sensory breaks and emotional goals in the IEP. You can check out my free IEP guide for support in this area.
Q: What if I feel like I’m breaking?
A: You matter too. Find your tools, your people, and your space to heal. Your regulation is the foundation for your child’s.
What I Want Every Autism Mom to Know
- You are not a failure. Meltdowns don’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
- Your child is not “bad.” Their nervous system is overloaded, not malicious.
- There are tools. They may not come from the school or the doctor’s office. But they exist.
Final Thoughts (From My Heart to Yours)
There was a time I thought my walls would always be patched, my ears would always ring from screams, and my daughters would always look scared.
But little by little, things changed.
Hemp gave us a foundation. Holistic tools gave us a path. And working on my own growth gave me the strength to lead my son out of the storm.
💚 If your house feels broken, if your body feels fried, if your heart feels heavy — you are not alone.
👉 Start your holistic support journey here:
- Holistic Support Form
- My son’s story + product match tool
- 7-Day Free Trial of the Personal Growth App
Because your child isn’t broken. You’re not failing. And there IS a way forward.
