Now that the kids are home from school for the summer and the chaos sets in! Let me guess: you woke up late, someone is crying because the cereal is the wrong kind of crunchy, your tween won’t wear pants (again), and you’re already emotionally tapping out before the coffee’s even brewed. Welcome to mornings in an autism household — where the chaos is strong, the routines are sacred (but never go to plan), and “calm” feels like some mythical unicorn you’ve only seen on Pinterest.
But here’s the deal: it is possible to create calm mornings, even if your house feels like it belongs in a reality show titled “Neurospicy Mayhem.” I’ve lived it. I’ve screamed in closets. I’ve cried into my hemp jellies. I’ve tried to break into my own car just to get away. But I’ve also figured out a few things that can actually shift your mornings from soul-sucking to mostly survivable — and dare I say, sometimes even peaceful.
So let’s talk strategy. Real talk. Real mom to real mom. No toxic positivity. No “just wake up earlier” advice. You ready?
1. Your Calm Begins the Night Before (Ugh, I Know)
I can already hear the collective groan. I get it. You’re exhausted. You’ve tapped out, been yelled at, peed on, or emotionally bulldozed by 4pm. But future you is counting on even a semi-prepared bedtime version of you to get her through the next morning.
Here’s how to gently not-sabotage yourself:
- Prep clothes: Not just the kids’, YOURS too. Otherwise, you’ll spend 15 minutes in a towel wondering why everything you own has a mystery stain.
- Visual schedules: Stick that sucker to the fridge. Use pictures, checklists, Velcro — whatever works for your child. Visuals = predictability = less meltdowns.
- Set your calming tools out: Maybe it’s your hemp jellies. Maybe it’s that perfect podcast. Maybe it’s your gratitude journal. Maybe it’s your AirPods with your “don’t talk to me yet” playlist. Whatever centers you — stage it the night before like it’s sacred. Because it is.
Bonus points if you set up the coffee pot ahead of time. Or just get a programmable one because you deserve bougie efficiency.
2. Create a “Launch Pad” (a.k.a. Where Sanity Lives)
This is not the space shuttle. It’s your designated “out the door” zone. Backpack, noise-canceling headphones, chewies, shoes, water bottles, iPad — all that jazz lives right there.
Why? Because:
- You do not want to be sprinting around the house yelling “WHERE IS YOUR LEFT SHOE?!”
- It trains your child to expect consistency. And if there’s anything our kids thrive on, it’s sameness.
- It saves your sanity. And let’s be honest, that’s the most valuable currency we have.
Pro tip: Use bins, labels, and hook systems. Make it foolproof. Label it for your partner too, because let’s not pretend they don’t ask where everything is. Every. Single. Morning.
3. Build a Predictable — Not Perfect — Routine
Forget the Instagram version of a morning. You do not need to wake up at 5am to journal, do yoga, and make an organic spinach omelet. You just need a few anchors that signal “this is how we start our day.”
Here’s a low-bar, high-impact example:
- Wake up → Pee (important) 😆 oh and let’s not forget brush your teeth!
- Stretch or 3 deep breaths → “I’ve got this” mantra
- Get dressed → Pick one small win (like brushing hair without a war)
- Breakfast → Screen time (yes, I said it — use it as a tool, not a babysitter)
- Out the door (after 3 deep breaths and maybe a scream in the pantry)
The magic is in the consistency. Even if the energy is chaos, your nervous system will thank you for the predictability.
4. Choose Your Calm First — Even If It’s Only 3 Minutes
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Hell, most days our cup feels like it’s cracked, leaking, and buried under laundry. But here’s the honest truth:
If you start dysregulated, your whole house feels it. That energy spreads like glitter and bad attitudes.
So claim a few minutes before you interact with humans. Seriously. Lock yourself in the bathroom. Hide in your car. Do whatever you have to do to find your center.
Ideas that work:
- 3 belly breaths + mantra: “This is hard, and I can do hard things.”
- Roll on some calming oils or take your hemp jellies (those cortisol levels aren’t going to regulate themselves)
- Chug water like you’re on fire
- Watch 60 seconds of TikTok moms screaming into their coffee — you’re not alone
5. Lower the Bar (No One’s Getting a Morning Medal)
Listen. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to make bento box lunches or get everyone out the door smiling.
You just have to:
- Keep everyone alive
- Try not to yell too much
- Feed people something (even if it’s Pop-Tarts and tears)
Perfection is not the goal. Presence is.
And sometimes presence looks like sitting with your kid in silence because they’re not ready yet. Sometimes it looks like redirecting with a silly voice when you really want to snap. And sometimes it looks like whispering “we’ve got this” even though you’re not 100% sure you do.
6. Humor: Your Secret Weapon
Laughter is the pressure valve on stress. And sometimes? It’s the only thing keeping you from losing your ever-loving mind.
When someone’s screaming over toast or won’t wear socks because they “feel like betrayal,” sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh.
Make it a game. Pretend you’re on a cooking show called “Breakfast: Meltdown Edition.” Narrate your chaos like David Attenborough. Play “Mission Impossible” music while you try to get out the door.
Humor doesn’t fix everything. But it makes it suck less. And that’s a damn win.
7. Build in Micro-Moments of Connection
This one’s big. Because let’s be real: mornings often feel like a race. But our kids — especially our autistic kids — often need connection before they can cooperate.
Just 30 seconds of:
- Eye contact and a goofy face
- A sensory-friendly squeeze or back rub
- A post-it note on the mirror that says “You’ve got this, buddy”
- A shared laugh over a ridiculous meme
It signals safety. And that’s what makes smoother transitions possible.
8. When It All Goes to Sh*t (Because It Will), Give Yourself Grace
There will be days where everything you’ve planned — your hemp jellies, your routines, your calm intentions — goes straight out the window.
Meltdowns. Lost homework. Poop explosions. Sibling drama. Your period starting at the worst possible time.
On those days, I want you to remember:
- You are still a good mom.
- You are not failing.
- This moment is hard. Not forever.
It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to curse. It’s okay to say “this sucks” and start again tomorrow.
9. Use Tools, Not Guilt
You’re not weak for needing support. You’re smart. You’re a strategist. You’re running a complex household with more moving parts than most CEOs manage.
Use what helps:
- Hemp to regulate your nervous system
- Visuals to reduce language overload
- Pre-made breakfasts or smoothies
- Apps, alarms, reminders
- Timer-based transitions
Whatever supports the humans in your house — use it. Without guilt.
Final Thoughts (aka, My Rally Cry)
If your mornings feel like chaos right now — you’re not broken. You’re in the middle of a high-demand, low-support reality that, let’s face it, most people simply don’t understand.
But little by little, with intention, humor, and a whole lot of grace, you can create calmer mornings. Not perfect ones. Not always peaceful ones. But mornings where you feel a little more like you. Mornings that don’t hijack your nervous system. Mornings that start with connection, not chaos.
So here’s your homework:
Tomorrow morning — take three belly breaths. Whisper “I’ve got this.” And if you don’t believe it yet, that’s okay. Say it anyway.
You’re doing better than you think. And you’re not alone in this wild, messy, beautiful ride.
Want More Support?
I have a free 7-day trail of my FAVORITE Personal Growth App for Autism Moms who are feeling overwhelmed, tapped out, and done before noon. It includes calm rituals, mindset shifts, and doable tools to help you start reclaiming your days — one breath, one morning at a time.
👉 Try the free 7-day trial here.
Because you deserve calm too. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.
